Errors of Modern Courtship: 1881

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I’ve noticed several Victorian-era newspaper articles that criticize or express worry over “modern” courtship. Each generation, it seems, worries over its youth, their choices, their means of making connections and falling in love.

A newspaper reporter in the early 1880s thought the subject worthy of an article: Errors of Modern Courtship: 1881. I present this historic article in full, below.

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Modern Courtship: Some of its errors, 1881

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For the ease of reading, I’ve carefully transcribed this article in full, preserving spelling and punctuation.

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MODERN COURTSHIP.

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Some Of Its Errors as Seen by a Clerical Lecturer.

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Modern modes of courtship and marriage supplied the topic, a few evenings since, for a lecture in the course which has been given of late by Rev. C. C. Goss, in New York. The reverend gentleman entered immediately upon his subject without selecting a text, and said: “The different circumstances of people cause a difference in their manner of courting. There are thousands, for example, who are compelled to do their courting on the seats in the public parks, and our servants do theirs leaning upon the iron railing in front of our dwellings. Temperaments also vary, and produce different results in methods of courtship. Love is, however, a law unto itself, and should be left to act naturally and without restraint.

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In these courting arrangements young ladies too often feign a coldness when they are burning with love, doing this for the purpose of drawing on the young man. this is entirely wrong, as it may end rather in driving him off. Young ladies and gentlemen should be entirely frank in their courtship, and should practice no such wiles. They should cultivate affection, for love is of God. Another fault in our methods of courtship which should be condemned is the want of conversation with respect to the peculiar traits of each other. The young man should describe to the young lady his weak points, and she may, in return, speak of his good qualities. This will prevent, after marriage, many mutual recriminations.

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The young man should state frankly to his affianced his financial situation. He should also be informed if she has any property, and its nature and value. They should know, mutually, their exact financial condition. The idea should be scorned that the young man may deceive the young lady as to his affairs. For the sake of comfort after marriage they should act toward each other with entire candor. There is too much holding back upon this subject of money matters.

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A young man should also undeceive a lady if he has no serious intentions in reference to her. She will, really, respect him for his frankness in regard to what he might propose doing. If he has no thought of addressing her seriously, he should let the fact be known without delay. Young men should also be careful what they say or do in the presence of giggling girls, for they often make the best wives. Six out of ten of them marry sedate men and soon settle down into staid matrons. Men of sober sense do not want wives of sober sense, and giggling girls do not want giggling boys. There is, however, no one rule as to the manner of conducting courtship. All will court as they please in their own way.

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“In conclusion,” said Mr. Goss, “take as your motto the golden rule, and do to the young lady in all your intercourse with her what you would like her to do to you. The golden rule is a rule made in heaven, and is applicable to courtship as well as to all other affairs of life. Do not think a thought or commit an act in reference to her that you would not have her think or commit in reference to yourself. This makes character the basis of courtship, and character is a sacred thing.”

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~ Evening Star of Washington, District of Columbia. Dated January 15, 1881.